I kicked my Monday morning off with a little pregnancy test. As normal, it was negative. I cried as I got ready for the day and then most of the way in to work. I'm in absolutely no mood to be here today, but gotta push through, right? Curtis swears we can't trust the test...that it's not over until the fat lady bleeds (hah, came up with that this morning, a-thank you!), but I'm taking it for what it is: Not Pregnant. Wednesday is the final reckoning day, so I guess we'll see what happens...
Remember when my Mom told me that we were just doing all this for attention. I can't tell you how much I had wished that were true. I hoped and prayed that it was going to take one actual round of medication to get me knocked up. I wouldn't care if people whispered behind my back or whatever, because I'd be pregnant. But as always, "God has other plans for us" and it just...sucks. I don't understand what's going wrong?? My lining was thick and ready, Curtis' swimmers are "fantastic", I quit drinking caffeine, I had 4 follicles for crying out loud! Four that potentially dropped and I can't get one to fertilize and stick. I feel dejected and not good enough. I hate infertility.
I'm thinking of talking to my RE about an IUI. Either that or a post-coital test. We need some more answers as to what's going wrong. Regardless, today is going to be a hard day. I'm doing everything I can to not cry while at work. Have I mentioned I hate infertility??
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