I wish Mom had wrung my neck when she caught me with those cigarettes..

This post is going to be pretty helter skelter because I'm watching One Tree Hill and my brain does not have the ability to multi-task this late at night:

-The title is a line in a Jake Owen song*. It's exactly how I feel right now. Technically I've quit smoking. I quit a while ago actually. And when I say I quit, I mean I quit buying my own packs, but if you smoke can I please bum one off you, kthanxbye. It's even worse when I'm drinking! Buzzing Lindsay ain't to proud to beg for that glorious little cancer stick, even if I don't know your name. Since the doctor gave me a look that reminded me of the eye of Sauron**, I have decided to honest-to-goodness quit, thus increasing my cravings. I wish I had never know of the wonderfulness that they gave me! And by wonderfulness, I mean, the hacking up green/yellow mucus first thing in the morning, not being able to wear perfume cause I smell like an ashtray 24/7, the horribly stinky breath I couldn't brush nor rinse away (not matter how hard I tried), and why am I calling this wonderfulness? Oh yea...NICOTINEEEEE. I craves it...BAD. Any tips?

-Since this blog is essentially about my goodies, I guess I oughta break the AWKWARDDDD cherry now: I am completely ashamed to admit it, but I have not groomed ms. thang in quite.some.time. I mean, a couple weeks at least! My reasoning was that I was starting my period soon (the week prior to my starting) and I didn't want to deal with itchy on top of crampy and bloaty. And since Hubs doesn't particularly enjoy his man business looking like a murder weapon, sexytime tends to take a small hiatus while Aunt Flo visits. No big deal. Then while said bitch aunt was visiting, I surely was not taking the extra time away from my heating pad & Harry Potter Snuggie***. Now that she has left the premises, should I groom prior to my test on Thursday? I mean, normally I don't really care when it's my yearly. I'm more concerned with what's going to take place and how much I hate it to give any grooming (besides an obvious super thorough shower-scrub) much thought. But this is a real important test...like a first-date-important... Do I groom real nice thus looking like a total kiss-ass, hoping teacher will give me a good grade? Or do I embrace the 70's afro and risk the doctor telling me that the test won't be needed because that.gawd.awful.bush is the reason I'm not knocked up yet, it's obviously scaring away all who dare attempt to enter...DUH!? Seriously people, these are the thoughts that plague me.

-Hearing the ungodly amount due for my HSG test (Thursday) from the front desk yesterday was kinda like a punch to the gut. What's worse? The billing department calling me again today to discuss the amount I owe before I allow them to cause me physical pain.:
"Um, yea you guys already called me yesterday..."
"Oh, we're sorry about the miss-communication between the front desk and the billing department. Hopefully we don't screw up the test and have to repeat it cause apparently our first impression with you is AWESOME. Seems like you're all set. See you on Thursday."
"Sure. Thanks. *BARF*"

-Graveyard sucks. That's really all there is to it. Minus the fact that I can fart and not hear another person, besides myself, complain of the aroma. That is niiiiiice...

Ok, that's all for now. BYEEEEEEE!



*I love country music, you'll soon learn that.
** I also love super geeky movies and will quote or reference them frequently. Get used to it.
***Are you finally getting it?