These gems are ones that I've been getting of late that are really starting to get on my nerves:
"Oh my gosh! You're so young though! You have plenty of time..."
Have you ever talked to a woman who has gone through infertility? One that has exhausted every medical procedure she can; spent years putting her body through scientific research over and over? They will all tell you the same thing: I wish I had started sooner. Honest! The book I bought a few months ago (that I'm still reading because it scares me and I have to work up the courage to read each chapter) says that very sentence constantly! They tell of stories of women who just wait it out with their spouses until they hit 30. Then, when that damned internal clock goes off, they try really hard for 1 year. Now we're talking a year has passed. Some even wait for 2 years! Then it's off to the specialist and treatment begins. Sometimes, by the time they get to the really hard procedures, the woman is 35+ and the doctors are telling you that you're now facing all the added age factors of infertility: loss of eggs, bad egg quality, etc., etc. Why shouldn't I start now? It's not like we're IVF-ing off the friggin' get-go! Yes, I have time. Time to treat, then rest in between. Time to save for IVF, God forbid we get that far. Or hell, even adoption. I know what I want and I'm doing what I want. Get over my age.
"I know this couple that tried so hard to have a baby...I mean YEARS...Finally they gave up and went to church and BAM, they were pregnant."
Ok, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a very religious person. I wasn't raised one and I haven't made up my mind now that I'm older. I'll also admit that I have not read the bible. I cannot quote it, I have no idea what's in it besides the ten commandments and the same old tattoos everyone gets. But, the way I see it is that God knows everything. He's omnipotent. So, if I'm not a very religious person and I don't talk to him all the time...then I just start going to church and praying...isn't he gonna know it's for my own selfish gain? Isn't he kinda against that? It just seems contradictory to me. If I'm going to start going to church and trying to have a relationship with God, I don't really want it to start out fraudulently. What do I look like? Kim Kardashian?
(Please no religious debates. I don't really want that on my blog. If you think I'm a jerk or something, please just stop reading. Insight and prayers are always welcome though!)
"You're trying to hard.." and *See above quote, but focus on the "gave up" part*
Apparently, I'm not trying hard enough! Look, I've honestly tried that whole, "God, no, please don't let me be preggers! That would really suck!!" I was fooling NO ONE. My husband was laid off of work for a year. I lived with my Mother-in-law TWICE. We were struggling just to get by with what little bills we had on my salary. I went through a court battle earlier this year that I could barely afford. If there were ever moments in my life that being pregnant or having a baby would've sucked, I think those top them. So the whole "not trying" thing just doesn't work out, because even when the times occurred, I still wanted one. The heart wants what it wants...you tell me how the hell I'm supposed to shut it off! Or become a better liar at least..
"It's just not your time"
Well what do I have to do to make it "my time"? Be 16? Be on government assistance? Have a one-night stand? This one is the one that gets me every time and I literally want to kick people in the taco when I hear it. I take it as an insult. I don't know what "dues" I have to pay in order to have it be "my time", but I'll fucking pay them right now. It's usually people that already have kids that say that shit. Could you imagine saying that to a woman who had a miscarriage? Or another woman who can't afford adoption because she spent every penny she had on fertility treatments and still nothing is working? It's inconsiderate and beyond rude. It may not be my time to get pregnant, but it sure as hell is your time to catch my fist in your mouth.
I understand that people generally don't know what to say to women dealing with infertility. I really do get it. But before you open your mouth...before you say ANYTHING to me...just put yourself in my shoes. Imagine what I must be going through as woman...as a human being with feelings and insecurities. If you still can't think of anything besides the above to say, just stick with this: "I'll keep you in my thoughts/prayers." That's honestly, one of my favorites, because I need all the help I can get some days!
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