- Christmas Eve: my mother makes it a point to get excited and ask my step-brother why he and his GIRLFRIEND aren't trying to have kids. Scowls each time I talk about my infertility.
- Christmas Day: While watching The Help, seeing the part when Celia has her third miscarriage and plants a tree over the baby, my brother makes the comment, "She can't have kids, she's useless."
- My other brother makes a comment about the excessive amount of hair on my arms. I explain to him that it's due to the fact that I have more testosterone than other women. I try to make a joke about my beard and shaving. He makes the most disgusted face when looking at me, like it's my fault.
- My father later makes the comment to Curtis, "Go find a chick on the side. I bet she can have kids."
- Day after Christmas, at breakfast: My mother finally starts to speak out that she doesn't believe in infertility and that we shouldn't be trying anyways. We're too young. I bring up what she said to my brother and his GIRLFRIEND. She mocks my hurt feelings saying, "Why do you take it so personally? Oh, poor wittle windsey...". I ignore her and cry in the car on the way to my Nana's house.
- We meet my mother for shopping, with my Nana, my sister and my brother's girlfriend in tow. My sister and I get in to an argument ( I called her a cunt. I'm not proud of it. I later apologized, but we're still not talking) and I call Curtis to come get me. I'm going home. My mother calls me and we get in to a huge fight.
- She admits that she thinks my infertility is just for show and sympathy. It's not real and we don't really want a baby.
- She admits that she blames me for the fact that her and my Pop were not as close as they used to be because I manipulated him when I was younger.
- She "apologizes" for the infertility, I accept, and the conversation ends.
- I call my Nana to let her know I made it home safe, she relays that my mother told her while I was out of ear-shot, while we were shopping, that she basically believes I'll be a bad mom anyways. Because it's MY fault my stepson doesn't like reading and isn't very good at it. It's MY fault he doesn't excel in school. Because I should be a goddamn SUPER PARENT from 2,500 miles away. When every single time we've told her we're trying for full custody, SHE talks us out of it. Now, it's MY fault that James is lackluster in school. Why even try to have children of MY OWN, when they'll basically be stupid and I'll basically suck at being their mother.
So tell me, how was YOUR Christmas?
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