Get Lindsay Knocked Up Plan - A

Well, as you all know, we met with the doctor last week to discuss our test results and where we're going to go from here. Essentially, our Plan A. According to the doctor Curtis' sperm looks fantastic. Motility, count, etc. is all right where they would want them to be. She said all he needs to focus on is being as healthy as he can be (she doesn't know him like I do). Lucky Bastard! I, on the other hand, have it a bit more complicated. In order to be diagnosed with PCOS you need two of three symptoms: irregular periods, poly-cystic ovaries, or high androgen (testosterone) levels. I have the ovaries and the high androgen's. Luckily, my periods have always been regular. Sometimes a few days late or what have you, but only once have I ever skipped one entirely. I've always had 12 a year. So that's good news!
Basically, the plan is to make me SUPER-ovulate. I felt the need to put "super" in bold and all caps...I think it really portrays the deep, Wizard-of-Oz-like voice I hear when I say it in my head. Is that just me? Ok then...moving on...The doctor gave me a choice between Clomid and Femara. Here are the differences that she explained to me: *WARNING: Bullet points coming up. Gird your loins if you have a distaste for them...*

• Clomid tends to produce more multiples (3' & 4's) than Femara for women who ovulate regularly.
• Femara is more expensive than Clomid.
• The side effects of Femara don't tend to be quite as intense as Clomid (try saying that to the women I googled. Explosive diarrhea what?!) 
• Femara also helps your uterine lining more than Clomid.
• Less ultrasounds(monitoring) on Femara than Clomid.

The more we talked it over, the more I felt like we should start with Femara. After doing all the research*, I completely stand by my decision. So she gave me a 3 month prescription for Femara that I will start next month when I start my cycle (we missed the deadline this month). Apparently this drug is to be taken for 5 days starting on cycle day 3. In those 5 days it tricks my brain in to thinking that I am not producing estrogen, so that I end up producing double estrogen. Then around day 11-12 I go get an ultrasound. I also start peeing on my OPK's (ovulation predictor kits). Once we get a positive one, we cross fingers, legs, and shove a pillow under my butt after intercourse. Then we pray to every God that we can think of, even though he apparently hates us**, and hope that we conceive. Rinse and repeat for the next couple months. Oh, and if for some reason I do not ovulate, they have this nifty little shot they can give me to force my body to drop an egg. We'll also do a blood test one week after my positive OPK to make sure that I did in fact ovulate and my reproductive system isn't playing tricks on us. She's a sneaky bitch sometimes, so you have to watch her. 

I also spoke to my doctor about Metformin. I had read about it online and I know that some women who are diabetic or just trying to ovulate go on it in conjunction with Clomid or Femara. She said that if I wanted to be placed on it, she would write me a script, but I requested to get my insulin & glucose levels checked first. Thyroid issues and Diabetes runs heavily in my family and since I am already over-weight and PCOS-diagnosed, my chances for diabetes has risen. I feel that it's a good thing to have checked out and for me to monitor. If it seems as though I am pre-diabetic or anything like that, I will request the Metformin and work with my diet and exercise. I figure the more informed I am about what my body is doing, the better off I will be. If I don't seem to be pre-diabetic, I will not request the Metformin and I will just do what I can with diet and exercise. I don't want to be on medication unless it's necessary.
Apparently the doctor won't have me on this plan for too long. Taking Clomid or Femara for longer than 6 months/cycles increases your chances for ovarian cancer. If Plan A doesn't work, we'll move on to Plan B, which will probably be IUI. The costs of that procedure isn't near as high as IVF, but it will still be a plan that may have to wait a bit for some saving up. But, my hopes and focus are on Plan A right now. I'm doing everything against my nature to not borrow trouble and to just take this one step at a time. I really am trying not to stress.
In the meantime, if any of you have more information on Femara or Metformin, I would love to hear it. Side effects, pros/cons, horror stories or successful conceptions, I want to hear it all! Everything I google seems to be from 2005-2008, so any other links or information is greatly helpful. Oh, and baby dust doesn't hurt either :)


*By research I mean googling.
** I'll explain at a later date.

Still me, just slightly crazier

As you know I've been hoping that we would be one of the "lucky ones". No, not those lucky ones who get pregnant one drunken night with their spouse. Or those lucky ones that threw out their birth control the month prior to their wedding and got knocked up 2-3 months later. I'm talking about the "lucky ones" who go through the HSG test and sometimes get pregnant thanks to the little pipe cleaning that took place. My hope grew even more when I started cramping a while back, but nothing came of it. My hope grew to an even bigger size when Curtis' results came back with "SPERM ANALYSIS GOOD".

As of yesterday afternoon, driving home from work (cycle day 30) I wasn't bleeding, I wasn't cramping, my lower back wasn't hurting; I was only feeling the same nipple pain I've been feeling for at least a week now. My hope grew to an OUTRAGEOUS size. By "outrageous size" I mean: imagining myself peeing on a stick, seeing that glorious double pink line, taking a picture with my iPhone, editing it in Instagram*, pulling it to my computer, putting it on a flash drive, taking it to Walmart and printing a copy, inserting said copy into a sapp 'I love you just cause' card, then driving to Curtis' work and giving him the card. He hollers, sweeps me off my feet in a joyous hug while I'm laughing and crying and so overcome with happiness that I can hardly freaking stand it... See? OUTRAGEOUS. But, as all good little infertiles know, that hope has to come back to cackle and spit in our face and show us who's really boss. I woke up this morning around 3ish due to my dogs barking at the wind blowing** and felt some major cramping. I thought, Oh there you are bitch and went back to sleep. I got up later when my alarm went off and went pee. TMI ALERT: I felt my stomach roll and thought maybe that cramping was just me having to do the completely unlady-like act of a #2, until I wiped. Blood. Red, not really brown at all. Very light, but enough to knock my ass right off that damn high-horse. I immediately reached for a tampon. Curtis heard the tell-tale wrapper and asked, "Did you start bleeding?" I could hear the disappointment in his voice (and that's always the hardest part...knowing I'm not the only one let down here). "Yea, a little" I responded and since then, I've been sad, dejected Lindsay all morning.

The worst part about this? I keep trying to talk myself out of it. You could still be pregnant I think. A little red blood is fine! I bet you'll remove that tampon and there will be hardly anything at all. Your nipples still hurt! That's not normal for you! Once you start bleeding that pain goes away usually. It's such a viscious cycle I'm on***! I oughta be used to it by now. Anytime my gums bleed while brushing my teeth, I'm Pregnant!! I smell something Curtis can't, I'm Pregnant!! I feel sick to my stomach, then eat something and feel better, I'm fat Pregnant!! That's pretty much how every month goes. And yet still I sit here thinking Is that a cramp? Maybe a little bit. But pregnant women still cramp a little in the beginning...sometimes. Maybe I'll be one of those pregnant women who still gets their period? Yea, that's it.  Does this ever end?! Oh yea, it does...when I can finally, actually say, "I'm Pregnant!!"


Until then, I guess I have to settle for, "I'm not pregnant, I'm Crazy!!"






*Wanting to edit a picture of a stick I just pissed on kinda confirms the crazy now doesn't it?
**Seriously, my dogs bark at everything.
***No pun intended...Or was it?

Finally a reason NOT to stress

I've been stalking my benefits website, looking at my claims daily, like it was an old lover's facebook page and they just got engaged when they swore they never would. Whoa...a little off topic there. Sorry.
I've been obsessed with looking at my claims because I didn't pay for my ultrasound up front. I gave them my, "I already have to pay $463.63 for another test right after this and I'm not really prepared to pay $800+ today, please just bill my insurance then bill me. Pretty pretty pleaseeee" sob-story and it worked. I've been terrified that I would have hundreds of dollars to pay them (the ultrasound place) and I wanted to get a jump on the saving up before I got the bill. Well, last night the claims finally came through. I saw the one for my HSG and saw these words: "Paid at visit: 0.00" Uh, I WISH! So I called my insurance. Long story short, I should have only paid $42.06 for the HSG. Not the $463.63. I was due a refund!! I called the fertility place that performed the HSG and told them the fantastic news of CUT ME A CHECK AND MAIL IT TODAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU. The first lady didn't understand so she sent me to the billing manager. She finally explained it to me that I was indeed owed a refund (told you first lady)* because apparently my insurance is covering my testing at 80-stinking-percent. Why?? Who the heck knows! Maybe it's my beauty and my charm...or just the way my doctor's are coding the claims. Either way, I ain't a'complainin'! The nice manager lady then asked me if I wanted them to cut me a check and mail it or if I wanted them to keep it on file for any future work we may have with them. I told them to keep it for now, until I find out more from my doctor on the 20th. Just knowing I have a little cushion is kind of nice, although I'm hoping I won't have to see them for a long time (if ever!).
Looks like I need to go update my other page: How much is that baby in the window?

*Gosh, look at me. Mrs. Maturity.**
**Ha! Poet and I didn't even know it!

Letters

Dear God,

Look, I know we don't talk as often as we should and I'm pretty sure you stopped listening to me a while ago (it's not like I didn't deserve it)...but could you please stop the dreams of us having a beautiful baby girl that I hug and cuddle with constantly? While the one last night looked different than the one I usually dream of, it still left me waking this morning with an empty heart. I have also now taken up crying, which started as soon as I dropped Curtis off at work. Let's just call a truce, k? I greatly appreciate it.

Mucho Thanks,
Lins

x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x

Dear Mother Nature,

YOU.REALLY.SUCK.

Thanks for nothing,
Lindsay

x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x

Dear Pioneer Woman,

Your recipes have done a pretty decent job of distracting me today. I wish I had the energy to whip even 1/10th of them up. Do you deliver??

Droolingly yours,
Lindsay