Two week wait, 1 week down!

Hey everybody! First off, sorry for my absence during this round's 2WW (two week wait). I have been so crazy busy with work, my Gold Canyon Breast Cancer Awareness Pink Party, puppies and, the kicker, Curtis getting so sick we had to make a trip to the ER, I just haven't had time to blog. It doesn't help that with my new bedtime being right at 9:00pm, I don't have as many hours after work as I used to. Seriously, I am wide awake around 8:00pm. 8:45pm hits and BAM! eyes drooping, head leaning, and soon after, snoring! I have to admit though, I'm actually really loving going to bed and getting 8 1/2 hours of sleep these nights. Somedays I'm still waking up tired, but some mornings I've got a bit more pep in my step! That's WITH my decaf coffee too!

Anyways, back to the procedure. Back on the 11th, we had the insemination. Curtis gave a great sample of 16 million sperm with good motility and quality. We went and had breakfast and then returned for the insemination. They had me double-triple and quadruple check that they had the correct sperm from the correct guy. When the nurse first showed us the sample, it was pink and Curtis says, "It's pink? Why is it pink?" I told him, "That means it's a girl!" haha. The nurse and I just had to bust his chops about it.
As for the procedure....OUCH. I mean, BIG TIME OUCH. Now, the doctor that did the insemination wasn't my normal doctor. It was his practice partner. So I was nervous right there. When he first started, he said, "I'm going to clean all the mucus off your cervix.." and I remember getting all excited cause I had lots of cervical mucus! Yea, that stuff excites me. He then told me that my uterus was tilted forward, which was "Normal. Lots of women have that. It's normal. No worries". When he started trying to insert the catheter into my cervix he was explaining, "A little bit of pressure...the line from the cervix to the uterus isn't straight you see, so I have to feel the way....more pressure." It was not just pressure, it was straight up pain! He ended up pulling it out, and then getting some "scissor looking things" (that is a direct quote from Curtis) and trying again. I think he ended up having to open my cervix a little bit and then he got the tube in. He kept saying, "It's normal, it's normal...Good job guys. Good job both of you." which made Curtis and I laugh later. After the torture process was over, I laid on the table with my knees up for about 15-20 minutes. Then the nurse came in with the post-iui instructions and strongly recommended we have sex that night. I'll be honest guys, that did not happen. I still felt like crap from the iui and was cramping pretty decently and Curtis just did not feel up to it. So, no mattress mambo that night!

Since the procedure I've been cramping off and on. Nothing too severe, just steady cramping like Aunt Flow is coming any day. About 6-7 days past the iui, my boobs started hurting. It feels like it's more than just my normal PMS soreness, but I could just be hoping! I'm currently 12 days past iui and no symptom changes have occurred. I've noticed I'm not...well....pooping as often as I used to, but that could be the progesterone or other stuff. No nausea, no cravings, no weird smells, nothing that really stands out as a BFP. I'm fighting the urge to test, but I keep telling myself that it's too early. The doctor said not to test until Saturday, but I might only make it until Thursday. I've made a post on thebump.com's infertility forum to get a general consensus of when I could potentially test, so we'll see what those girls say. It's strange cause the whole wait since the iui has been me thinking that it actually worked, that I am actually pregnant, until Monday morning. Monday morning I woke up and just thought, "It didn't work. I'm not pregnant." I had a pretty crappy Monday to say the least. Then I woke up this morning and thought, "It did work. I am pregnant!". So, needless to say, I've officially fallen off the deep end during this last week's wait, which is pretty bad considering we already knew I was crazy!

In the meantime, please continue to send your BFP/baby dust, prayers, good thoughts, crossed fingers, whatever that we've finally got what we've spent 3+ years hoping for! I appreciate all of the support!

Still me, just slightly crazier

As you know I've been hoping that we would be one of the "lucky ones". No, not those lucky ones who get pregnant one drunken night with their spouse. Or those lucky ones that threw out their birth control the month prior to their wedding and got knocked up 2-3 months later. I'm talking about the "lucky ones" who go through the HSG test and sometimes get pregnant thanks to the little pipe cleaning that took place. My hope grew even more when I started cramping a while back, but nothing came of it. My hope grew to an even bigger size when Curtis' results came back with "SPERM ANALYSIS GOOD".

As of yesterday afternoon, driving home from work (cycle day 30) I wasn't bleeding, I wasn't cramping, my lower back wasn't hurting; I was only feeling the same nipple pain I've been feeling for at least a week now. My hope grew to an OUTRAGEOUS size. By "outrageous size" I mean: imagining myself peeing on a stick, seeing that glorious double pink line, taking a picture with my iPhone, editing it in Instagram*, pulling it to my computer, putting it on a flash drive, taking it to Walmart and printing a copy, inserting said copy into a sapp 'I love you just cause' card, then driving to Curtis' work and giving him the card. He hollers, sweeps me off my feet in a joyous hug while I'm laughing and crying and so overcome with happiness that I can hardly freaking stand it... See? OUTRAGEOUS. But, as all good little infertiles know, that hope has to come back to cackle and spit in our face and show us who's really boss. I woke up this morning around 3ish due to my dogs barking at the wind blowing** and felt some major cramping. I thought, Oh there you are bitch and went back to sleep. I got up later when my alarm went off and went pee. TMI ALERT: I felt my stomach roll and thought maybe that cramping was just me having to do the completely unlady-like act of a #2, until I wiped. Blood. Red, not really brown at all. Very light, but enough to knock my ass right off that damn high-horse. I immediately reached for a tampon. Curtis heard the tell-tale wrapper and asked, "Did you start bleeding?" I could hear the disappointment in his voice (and that's always the hardest part...knowing I'm not the only one let down here). "Yea, a little" I responded and since then, I've been sad, dejected Lindsay all morning.

The worst part about this? I keep trying to talk myself out of it. You could still be pregnant I think. A little red blood is fine! I bet you'll remove that tampon and there will be hardly anything at all. Your nipples still hurt! That's not normal for you! Once you start bleeding that pain goes away usually. It's such a viscious cycle I'm on***! I oughta be used to it by now. Anytime my gums bleed while brushing my teeth, I'm Pregnant!! I smell something Curtis can't, I'm Pregnant!! I feel sick to my stomach, then eat something and feel better, I'm fat Pregnant!! That's pretty much how every month goes. And yet still I sit here thinking Is that a cramp? Maybe a little bit. But pregnant women still cramp a little in the beginning...sometimes. Maybe I'll be one of those pregnant women who still gets their period? Yea, that's it.  Does this ever end?! Oh yea, it does...when I can finally, actually say, "I'm Pregnant!!"


Until then, I guess I have to settle for, "I'm not pregnant, I'm Crazy!!"






*Wanting to edit a picture of a stick I just pissed on kinda confirms the crazy now doesn't it?
**Seriously, my dogs bark at everything.
***No pun intended...Or was it?