For the first time ever, I missed one of my doses of Clomid. I'm not even kidding. Friday night, I took my first dose. Saturday night, totally spaced it. I didn't realize until I woke up at 6 in the morning to get my new puppy out of the bathroom and bring him in bed with us. And you know what I did? I thought, SHIT!, and promptly fell back asleep. I didn't really know what to do, so I took it at noon after eating some brunch, and I have changed the remaining dosage times to noon to follow suit.
I don't know what bothered me most: the fact that I missed a dose or the fact that I didn't particularly seem to care. Apparently when I said, "laid-back", I meant it. This place I'm in now, emotionally not physically; physically I'm at work, which sucks cause it's Monday, but is technically Tuesday because we have Friday off, which is totally weird since everyone else works on Friday, but we didn't get President's day or any other legit holiday off...I kind of like it though because everything is still open and I'm able to run errands like the bank and what not....DAMN, got off topic.
I digress, the place I'm at emotionally is weird. It's a first for me since starting all this treatment. I'm actually kind of sick of babies. *GASP* I know! I know! It's totally crazy right? Going from obsessed with babies and everything babies, to just...not. I feel like I'm in this weird alter-dimension where that Lindsay is damn sick of hearing about babies and thinking about babies. She's done seeing her months fly by in cycle days, not really days of the month. It's so....weird. Going from the brink of desperation back to the middle and just kind of being like, "eh" about the whole thing. I can't even dig down through my psyche, like a shrink would, and find the reason my feelings have changed. Maybe this is normal and most women dealing with infertility go through this? Maybe it's cause I got a new puppy that I have to baby and carry everywhere cause he.is.tiny. and it's feeding my need to mother something? Maybe it's cause I'm just sick of having all of my thoughts revolving around one specific goal? I have no clue. Would I feel this way if I were 30? Who knows! All I know is that I'm in this middle ground between funk and functioning and I am at a loss of how to move...in either direction. It's probably that I just need to get the eff out of my house and interact with other people, besides the ones I see every single day. Or maybe I need to just sleep an entire day away and then I'll wake up feeling super refreshed and ready to take on the whole world! Like I said before, I just don't have a clue.
I'm thinking of discussing with my doctor about trying metformin. I've heard it can help with weight loss and I would really like to start focusing on that again. Exercise helped me last year when we were going through court with baby mama drama. I'm sure it can help me again...I just need to find that motivation I had!! Just get off my lazy ass and do it; do something...anything.
I just need to get my heart back in it.
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