Lightening the load

Did Curtis just call me and hand his phone to his coworker, C, so that C could inquire about the size of my "eggs"?? Yes he did.

Did I mention it's barely 7:30 in the morning right now? I'm not even finished with my coffee!

Apparently they have been discussing the topic of my follies since their safety meeting this morning. Curtis' boss even threw in that she wants us to go ahead and fertilize all of my "giant" eggs and she'll take "four of them to lighten the load".

I told her that Curtis would need a big, fat raise and a boatload of time off so he can help care for this litter we would pop out.

Guys, it's 7:30 in the morning. It's too early to talk about my "eggs"/follicles.

You want me to buy what?!

You know how you hear a song and you immediately think, "This is my life!"  Well, mine is currently Katy Perry's "Hot-n-Cold". I swear my ovaries are either Hot or they're Cold. They're yes or they're no. They refuse to find a happy medium!! Today was my monitoring ultrasound for the 100mg of Clomid I was taking and my ovaries went in to overdrive. I was measuring about 5-6 follicles at 19mm which was fully mature, with 2 at 17mm and 3-4 more at 15mm, which could still develop more by ovulation time. My uterine lining was also at 7mm, which apparently is very good because Clomid can typically case a thin lining. Not in my case with my little overachieving uterus this round! My lady parts are like that kid in the class that's really lazy and never does his homework, but aces the final. You know, the type of student I was in school. 

It's weird, but I had a feeling this would happen. While I'm so thankful that I am responding, I'm completely stressed as what to do about it. Dr. A (the reproductive endocrinologist) HIGHLY recommends that I go invest in condoms until aunt flow returns in the next few weeks. He said that I could be looking at multiples and that it is very rare for anything over 2 to survive. He said the type of response is more of an IVF response, not a TI. I understood what he was saying, agreed with him, and walked out the appointment setting a mental reminder to go pick up condoms on the way home. Yup. This is an infertility blog and I'm saying I have to go buy condoms. Welcome to my life people.
Anyways, my coworker's response, when I explained about the ultrasound findings was, "Go for it anyways!". When talking to my doctor, that wasn't an option for me. Now, all of a sudden, it is. Let me break down how crazy my mind is:

• Option 1, Prevent Prevent Prevent: 8 possible eggs? 8 possible children? Nevermind having to feed 8 mouths at once, what if we lose one or more? What if the pregnancy was rough and we have some sick babies? Could I live with myself knowing that I was the one who chose to 'Go for it' knowing how high the risk was? 
• Option 2, the aforementioned 'Go for it!': There's a handful of mature follies, my uterine lining is thick and waiting...it's almost like the stars are aligning for our baby making process. If I don't take this chance and run with it, will I have a good response next month? What if this is my one chance? 
• Option 3, Not try/Not prevent: What's meant to be will be. It's up to God this month.
• Option 4, Selective Reduction: Not even an option to us. I shouldn't have it on the "options list" when it's not an option, but I had to address it. 

I'm really leaning toward Option 1. I think about putting any children we may conceive at risk and I can't live with that thought. My doctor is very confident that I will respond nicely to 50-75mg of Clomid next month, and I trust him. He's been doing this for a long time and he knows what he's saying. Of course, I have to discuss all of this with Curtis to see his opinion in the matter. The thought of condoms is silly to me though. Doesn't the doctor know I haven't bought condoms since I was 19? 

Blog Format Change

Sorry if you don't like the change! I just had to do something besides that God-awful bird background. It was so plain it was bumming me out! While this new layout reminds me a little of MySpace, it's the best I can do here at work when I don't have the time to devote hours to changing it.

Facebook is the enemy [warning:bold explicit language]

You've all seen the new Facebook, with the highlighted stories feed and mini-feed on the side.

I.HATE.IT. 


Facebook randomly highlights statuses from all of my pregnant friends. You think I'm kidding? I have a friend from high school who just found out she's expecting.EVERY. SINGLE. STATUS. gets highlighted and moved to the forefront of my newsfeed.
I know you're thinking, dumb girl, just un-highlight those statuses. I FUCKING HAVE!! So many times I see that message, "We'll try not to post any more stories like this in your feed.." But yet I log on again today and see a status from another girl from high school who is going to her sister's ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby. Said girl also got pregnant within a year of her wedding!! ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!

I'm losing my fucking mind and one step from deactivating my Facebook.